What is Standard Birthday Protocol When it Comes to an Ex?

18 May

 

 

I’m back! And need some advice from you, the readers!

So my birthday was last Thursday, and I’m the kind of person who takes it pretty seriously. Like…if you’ve upset me during the year, if we argue, if you drop kick my mythical baby ( I have no real ones), this is the time to get at me for guaranteed forgiveness…the MULLIGAN shot, if you will. Sometimes I get my hopes a bit high on whom I’m going to hear from, who will pop out of nowhere to wish me a happy birthday, and I’m pretty much always disappointed. This year was different. Not only did I not anticipate a “lot of response” from people I’d previously been involved with (on any level), but I was looking forward to steering clear of it as much as possible…or so I thought.

Something happens around my birthday, and it’s like these people just come out of the woodwork. This year, I mistakenly thought I saw my ex’s car near my house and texted him because I figured that was an okay, adult thing to do. We talked briefly, he seemed cool about chatting with me and invited me to do lunch the next week. This seemed like an ok idea, and I accepted. ONLY, per USUAL…his follow through was non-existent. Matter of fact, he sent me a silly ass video a week after we were supposed to go on this “lunch” with no message. I tried to make some small talk, but it was clearly not being well received (on either end).  My friends and family tell me he’s not going to contact me for my birthday and I say, “No way. He knows when my birthday is…He’ll say SOMETHING.”

Well…the day comes, and wouldn’t you know it? Nothing. Nada. Zip.  No Facebook post, text, call, smoke signal? People say he’s angry because I didn’t “pursue” getting lunch with him, or because my life is going well right now and this for some reason bothers him. Regardless, it’s further proof he’s pretty much the same person he was two years ago…maybe WORSE. Silly me for believing he had the ability to change, or that he’d follow through.

The fact is I’m angry, but see it as “it is what it is,” and his behavior very par for the course. Part of me wants to thank him, once again, for reminding me why we’re not together, while the other part of me wants some kind of venting ability like…de-friending him. Then I thought…I want to know what the protocol is for de-friending someone on Facebook? If they don’t remember your birthday after two years of knowing them, can you de-friend? All of my friends I’ve known for more than a year, and some I’ve known for less than two months managed to sneak in a Happy Birthday. Clearly, you’re no friend of mine… Ok well, what if we dated for two years, lived together and yet you still can’t manage a Happy Birthday, most likely because you know I’d like that. I think the answer is CRYSTAL clear, no?

That brings up another one….there is a guy….a really great guy (now). I’ve known him for years and years, we’ve gone through a tremendous amount. Sometimes we like each other, sometimes he hates me….and we make some bad decisions. Recently, we almost FINALLY dated for real real. We’ve had some issues getting things together over the years, but things seemed perfect now. He’s the only guy I’ve ever spared from talking about via media…but he’s very upset with me I suppose…and we haven’t talked in a couple of months. I know he’s online all the time…and he clearly chose to not wish me a Happy Birthday either. Can I be upset with him, if it’s me who has been pushing him away and he’s just fed up? Can I call it immature if I know what’s keeping us apart and that I guess…it hurts his feelings? I wish he understood how much I DO care for him and want to be with him…but when he ignored my birthday I thought…ok, I get it…I get it. Do I slink back into hiding and de-friend, because maybe it would make him happier if I’m not around? And make it easier for me if I don’t wonder if he’s just ignoring me?

Forget about my ex who just returned from Japan for a year…who couldn’t remember my birthday when we were together for four years, and despite being friendly and chatting now he STILL didn’t say anything to me ( although his entire family did, including his brother currently stationed in Iraq!). I’ll never de-friend, as he and I have too much history…and he is who he is!  ( At least him being forgetful has remained consistent!)

The LAST ONE…did wish me a Happy Birthday….twice. He’s a special case, and I was recently involved with him. As a matter of fact, he’s been the inspiration for MANY of these posts over the past month ( he seriously has no idea I think). His lack of follow through during our relationship, coupled with him using me, withholding things and then pretending he’s a “good guy,” really has me miffed. I’ve tried subtly to drop hints that I don’t favor him….matter of fact, I loathe him because of what he did. He seriously…does…not…get it.  He’s unapologetic and I seriously wonder how he wakes up and looks in the mirror everyday and then decides who he is going to be. God knows how many others he was doing the boom boom pow with…pretending to care about…and I can’t even think about the rest. Part of me wants to de-friend, because I don’t need to keep someone like that in my life.  He thinks we’ve “made up.” We have not made up. Essentially, I believe nothing he says and will never…ever…forgive him. And why should I? He’s given me every reason to distrust him in a short amount of time.

The POINT… I swear it’s in here, is that I don’t always know when enough is enough. While they’re all different situations, they’re all particularly difficult for me. I’d really love some input on what the best choice is for the individual situations. They say to “take the trash out” in your life, and never look back…but when is the right time to do that? And is it more immature of me to fault them for not communicating (or communicating without dealing with the issues at hand), and then cut it off completely?

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