Change – You’re Awful, I Love You.

19 Nov

Things I hate more than change:

  • Spiders that like to play hide-and-go-seek to crash the car.
  • Banging my ankle on the corner of my bedpost.
  • Being told to “calm down,” or “take it easy,” or worst of all – “just relax.”
  • Raisin cookies because they’re just hanging out with the cookies to be like chocolate and that’s sad. Be your own, gross thing.
  • Microwave terrorists who heat up fish at the workplace.
  • People who downplay change.
  • Dealing with the actual change at hand.
  • Admitting that I hate change.
  • Coming to terms with hating change by watching a 10-hour Netflix binge-a-thon and drinking wine through a venti Starbucks cup.

 

One of those, is a lie.

(And it’s obviously the last one. Who hates that?)

Change…to put it bluntly – sucks.

Sure, it’s all about your “perspective” and how you choose to view change. For me, coping with change, adapting and Sudoku have all been challenging. I’m not what the layman would call, “easygoing when it comes to disruption.”

Change is always jarring even though you don’t just expect it, you outwardly ASK for it. Every day you could ask for the same thing, then when you get it, it’s like – “What? Oh, that? No, I was kidding. I’m not ready. There’s a million reasons why JUST NOT NOW, OKAY?”

When change is on the horizon, here are some “quick tips on how to cope and stop being such a f$%8ing baby, baby.”

Buck the f%^& up, buttercup

Change is typically pretty good, or happening for a reason. I mean, sometimes it’s the complete opposite and pretty horrifying but we’re not really dealing with that type of change right now, so can you just not? Especially if change is good, there seems like there wouldn’t be a lot of room to complain, right? WRONG. I think what “gets us” here is the fear of the unknown. Think of what keeps you at a crappy job, or in a less-than-amazing relationship.

Fear is real, but fear is also a liar. Fear is the guy still wearing socks with TEVAS and a Hawaiian shirt.  You can’t trust that guy. Look at what he’s wearing – he very obviously knows nothing about anything and you can’t trust him. Did he just answer his Nokia flip phone? Fear’s intentions are almost good because it reminds you that at any moment, things can happen. But you have to fight that anxious, negative, “at any moment, things can happen” with the positive side of that. How amazing is it that at any moment, anything can happen? Pretty. Damn. Amazing.

So take a note out of what could possibly be the best insult I’ve ever heard, courtesy of Scandal and don’t let this hit you in your soft spots:

Stop. Evaluate and LISTEN.

When change happens you start to see who is there with you, who is there for you and who never really was. THIS is the hardest part of change for me. To watch people who you believe you have true bonds with turn from best friends, to acquaintances and finally to strangers. It’s like, you think you’re part of this exclusive club, only to find out they let everyone in and the club’s closing next week.

Something happens to people when change is involved. It happens to me all the time. You’re happy for them, but you’re sad for you. It feels so selfish to say that, right?

Sometimes we don’t think about what happens to those who go through change with us. Sure, it’s hard for you to leave a job. But isn’t it hard for those you leave behind who are used to you and your antics? Who lean on you for certain things?

My biggest gripe is when change happens, it’s like people cease to exist. You tell yourself nothing will change, or people say “see you soon.”

Wrong.

It. All. Changes.

Your friendships become strained because you’re all busy. You make up reasons in your head, or you’re so involved in your own emotions that you reason with yourself as to why you don’t see each other anymore.

That’s the true test of your relevancy in each others lives. When you start to realize where your place is in their lives and theirs in yours, it doesn’t feel good. But sometimes, there’s just no place for your relationships once the glue that held you guys together is gone.

You have less in common, you’re stretching and growing and so are they (in their own ways). Change is inevitable, yes. But does it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t suck, or hurt, or make you feel like singing Billy Joel in your underwear in your living room after drinking a bottle of Malbec.

 

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I prefer my BJ old school.

 

Always dance in your living room in your underwear to Billy Joel after too much wine.

This one explains itself. You know what makes you feel good? Being drunk and pants-less in the comfort and security of your own home. You know where you feel sexier than Jennifer Lawrence and feel like you sing better than Rihanna? In the comfort and security of your own home. You know where you video yourself dancing and singing as the alter-ego of both called “J-Rawr?” In the COMFORT AND SECURITY OF YOUR OWN HOME.

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Be silly. Be weird. Embrace what you’re dealing with.

Change can’t take away your happiness. Most of the time, change actually the good guy. Change is like Channing Tatum in Step Up, Magic Mike, Magic Mike XXL, 21 Jump Street, 22 Jump Street, ok— you get it.  Change is EVERY CHANNING TATUM CHARACTER. Change wants you to see them as smart and sexy and as the right choice, for the right reason. Change wants you to “take it to the streets” and rub your fingers up and down it’s abs, but also respect it’s mind. Embrace it. That is definitely the point I’m trying to make. Definitely.

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Much like my odd Tatum tangent, there’s nothing you can do about it. So you may as well learn how to experience, embrace and even enjoy (if you can) what you’re working through. Find comfort in the things that bring you comfort. When that doesn’t work, remember there is always Billy Joel – and wine.

 

You’re not a tree. So don’t throw shade.

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If you’re like me (a changeaphobe), this actually can be the hardest part. When something crappy happens, like say you leave a troupe you’ve been in for over a year because you feel like, “why do I come here once a week AND pay you and yet you’re the rudest human-being I know?” you want those you know to come with you, or at the very least SEE the same thing you’re seeing. When you cease to be a part of something and your friendships stop, or you’re replaced or however you view it, frustration and upset can build. Suddenly, you have attitude mountain on the corner of “WTF just happened” and “Wait, why does this hurt?”

Just be kind. Be kind to those who love you. Who are there. Who aren’t there. Who don’t get it. Who get it 100%.

Change is a powerful creature that can make you feel abandoned, empowered, amazing, terrible, alone, part-of-something, over-the-moon happy and/or angry.

If there are people who are there for you, lean on them. If leaving your comfort zone is hard, but worth it, lean on that. If you know that Total Wine is having a sale on Friday and you’ve just purchased some fresh undies, you’ll always, always, have that.

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